Open Letter from the Republican Party to the Tea Party

   by Roland Hulme

The Tea Party has the disdain of the Republican elite

Republican National Committee 

310 First Street 

SE Washington, DC 20003

October 21, 2011

Dear Tea Party,

We've really appreciated all the hard work and long hours you guys have put in over the last couple of years. You've invigorated much of the party, raised millions of dollars in campaign contributions and won our party and our platform a lot of attention from the media. Thanks.

But before the election season really kicks off in earnest, we thought it was important get real about something:

Shut up.

Just shut the hell up.

Nobody here at Republican Party HQ wants to hear it from you. We love the fact that you're waving placards and raising money and making Obama look like a chump, but let's make it quite clear – here and now – that we don't care about what you have to say.

Let's be real: You blue-collar bumpkins are not going to pick the candidate for the next presidential election. If anybody thinks the voting party members have any say in that, they're kidding themselves. We've already picked who it's going to be – Mitt Romney.

That's how the Republican party works, folks. The voters get all riled up, but the big decisions get made by an elite few, behind closed doors, and none of you rabble have any say in the matter.

Don't like it?

So f**king what?

Seriously, what are you guys going to do about it?

We've got you right where we want you. We can stick a candidate you don't like on the ballot because we both know, at the end of the day, that you suckers are going to vote for him regardless.

I mean, what's the alternative? Vote for Obama? Stay at home on election day and let Obama win a second term?

We both know you're not going to do that.

You might not like it, but frankly you don't have any choice. We know you'd vote for a cocktail wiener rather than Barack Obama; and that's why we don't need to give a shit about you.

So here's how it's going to go down: We're going to pal up with our corporate sponsors and, in the mean time, you folks out there with the placards are going to sit down, shut up and wait until we tell you what to do.

You don't have a say in the matter. You don't have a voice in this. You tea partiers might represent a huge chunk of the voters we need to win the White House in 2012, but we 've got you right where we want you.

In short: We own you. Don't forget that. You have no choice but to follow these three instructions:

Give us your votes
Give us your money
F**k off


With disdain and dollar signs,

The Republican Party